Thursday, July 15, 2010

Interpreter of Maladies

On July 8th, at 7am I kissed my boyfriend goodbye as I walked out of our apartment to my car to get in my usual morning cardio at the gym. I got into my car, locked the doors and started the engine. I took the gear shift out of neutral and shifted to first after releasing the e-brake. I turned the wheel to drive off but my car was unmovable.

Without knowing that both of my passenger tires were stolen, I repeated the same steps to no resolve. Finally, I got out of my car to walk around and inspect the problem. As I made my way to the passenger side, there lay my car, propped on two broken red bricks without rims, tires or lug nuts.

Initially I felt confused, saddened and then angry. Really angry. I felt personally violated against. I felt targeted. My mind was overwhelmed with questions, "Who would do this?" and "Why me?" But these questions didn't help nor did they make me feel better.

I ran back to my apartment and fell apart in Rith's arms. We called the police, filed a report, called my insurance as well as a tow truck. When all I wanted to do was crawl into a ball and cry there was no time for it. With $1800 worth of damages, I'm grateful that I was not in any danger. Sure, that certainly wasn't an expense I was planning for but at the end of the day I reminded myself that all material things can be replaced.

The very next morning, because I had taken Thursday off to deal with my stolen tires, I went into work about two hours early. At almost noon that day, myself, my entire team and several others were laid off. I wish I could take back my tears in that conference room because it wasn't worth my tears. I just couldn't believe it, couldn't believe any of it. It suddenly felt that everything in my world was crashing down right on top of me. Everything that had felt safe and comfortable, everything I knew was no more. The blows weren't stopping and I couldn't help but take it personally.

If everything happens for a reason, what was the reason for this? I don't know but I hope that the answer isn't far away. As for now, I'm taking some time off to focus on me. That may sound really selfish but after a weekend of some serious defeat, my mind, heart and body need a little TLC. I'm so grateful to have a supportive and loving boyfriend and family because without them I don't know how I'll get by.

I will tell you one more thing, it's day 3 of being at home and I'm already going crazy. It's not relaxing nor is it any fun...must seriously re-focus my happy thoughts.

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