Remember This

Life gets busy, we got caught up in the craziness, swirled right into the eye of the storm. I keep having to remind myself to stop and smile, to appreciate my life and the wonderful people in it.

It's silly to say since my boyfriend and I are fairly young, but when I'm with him I feel so young at heart, so carefree and reckless. It's with him that I can unload my stresses while also holding both him and my stuffed Cookie Monster from NYC in my arms. Every day I don't think it can get better and it does.

Yesterday, a mutual friend of ours, a wonderful person and talented writer (Hi, Monica!) reminded me to keep on writing. She told me to document these moments, this early stage, this unrelenting happiness--because even if it doesn't last, falling in love is still and always will be the best feeling in the world.

My family and close friends know I'm not an affectionate person, it's just always been hard for me to show love and to also feel it. There are a lot of reasons why I struggled with this but he makes all of my worries simply irrelevant. We can't walk anywhere without holding hands and you know what, I can't stop kissing him.

The picture above was taken after a water fight we had spontaneously in the bathroom. I think it encompasses who are together, it makes me smile like a fool every time I see it. It's also my wallpaper on my phone and his contact photo so I see it when he calls. Whenever I get an incoming text I see it light up in the background and end up swooning all over again.

So this blog is for you Monica, I promise to remember these moments -- like that moment in the bathroom after our water fight, I promise to live in the now.

One Question

So many changes have come my way in the last three weeks, new job, new relationship, apartment hunting, oh my!

Happy is a term that doesn't quite encapsulate what I feel with all of these changes coming into play but I truly feel like many pieces are coming together. Every day I'm realizing just how blessed I am.

Not having been in a relationship in years it's exciting to learn more and more about one another together. I'm slowly adjusting to taking him into account in my own choices, understanding that what I do now affects him and vice versa. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to let another person into your life, to carefully begin to depend on them and have them to fall back on.

My boyfriend and I, having mutual friends before we started dating have received a ridiculous amount of personal messages from our friends and friends of friends who are more than thrilled that we're in a relationship. And it's such a mind boggling concept to me, when I still get them I don't know how to respond except with a polite "thank you." But then I realized, in our circle of friends and family - when two people come together the bond between the rest of us only gets stronger.

I'm not crazy or living with my head in the clouds - I'm very aware that this honeymoon phase doesn't last forever, but in the meantime we're going to soak it up. It's a weird feeling being in a relationship again, especially with someone (as my family jokes) "on the inside."

Everyday we're together I ask him one question, and it's a silly question but I feel that it's important. It's a question that doesn't necessarily need to be asked of your significant other but it's also a question that should never be assumed.

On Monday night, after eating dinner and after Gossip Girl finished, while Monday Night Football played before us, I turned to him and asked this one question: "Are you happy?"

Without hesitating and without giving me his standard variation of "Yes," or "So happy," he turned to me and said that he was the happiest he's ever been. Sometimes, a girl just needs to hear it even though she already knows the answer.

I am utterly and irrevocably delirious with happy.
It consumes me.

The Happy List

As unpleasant as August was for me, September sure is making one hell of a turn-around...I can barely remember what maladies befell me last month! I've been so busy with work and life I haven't blogged in so long! Needless to say, things have been wonderful and I've been feeling amazing every single day I wake up. And thus, I present you...the happy list, yet again.

• This weather. I absolutely love Fall, its brisk, refreshing winds, the cold mornings and warm days, followed again by chilly nights, perfect for cuddling.

• Running in this weather is prime for me, I love it!

• Stockings! I'm not sure if everyone loves stockings like I do, but I love having an array of colors ready for the season, Fall is the best season to accessorize!

• Journal 3831 looks freaking amazing, honestly, I cried a little at its contributions last week.

• First kisses are always great. That should have been first on my list. First kisses.

• NYC next weekend, I have a feeling it'll change my life.
  

• Sandra Cisneros' My Wicked, Wicked Ways
  

Journal 3831

Over the weekend I watched the film 1000 Journals, by Andrea Kreuzhage. About 15 minutes into the film I found myself somewhat restored from what one could describe as a beyond hellish week. Literally, it may have been about 15 minutes in that I was overcome with inspiration, passion and drive that I decided on starting a traveling journal of my own.

The idea of 1000 Journals is pure genius, I cannot even describe the roller-coaster of emotions that I felt while watching the film based on the project of the same name.

Being the true Facebooker that I am, I extended the project to my own friends, real people who have personally touched my life.

I feel that this journal, my journal, journal #3831 will change people's lives. Though that's certainly not my goal by any means, I just want to offer my friends an opportunity to step outside of their safety zones. I want to them to explore their creative sides, to find the beauty in simplicity, to create and recreate, and to simply just do. Doing something, anything...is better than a blank white page. It's progress, a statement, a defiant middle finger to stasis and routine. I want them to leave their mark, on the page and in the world. More often than not we as individuals stay silent, avoid change and glide along with our mundane lives because we're too lazy or unmotivated to create change.

Journal #3831 will be my awakening, as an individual and as a writer. I too, have needed something to turn my world inside out and this project has come along for a reason, this reason. I hope it will help my friends and their friends (and quite possibly some strangers) to understand and appreciate the concept that any contribution is meaningful. A collaborative effort is needed in order for this to really get anywhere and I'm so flattered by all of the feedback, emails, comments and messages I've received for this 3831 project.

With my sincerest apologies, I have to admit that I've been a little under the weather and so this journal has not yet been started. I do plan on stopping in my nearest Blick Studio to pick up a journal and promise that by Monday, August 31st, the first recipient will be notified that 3831 is en route.

I've also just decided on what my contribution will be to 3831 and can't think of a more perfect time and place to share it. I'm beyond excited, really.

My biggest fear, my only fear, is that 3831 will be lost, stolen or forgotten about. Although I control the mailing list and ultimately its location, I cannot always track it. Participants have one week to keep it to themselves and in this week they can share it with a loved one, a friend, a coworker, whomever - it's all a part of the spirit of the 1000 journals project so who am I to argue? As much as it scares me, it's how it has to happen, and it's time I learn to have a little faith.

Bulletproof

If I could share with you just how crappy this week is going by way of an immature and silly photo response, it'd be this (below), classy, I know.

On the upside, I've been having a beyond-fantastic music week. There's a song that's been on repeat literally all day today and the more and more I listen to the words, the more I'm convinced it was written specifically for me. It's been a really long time since I've really connected with a song, its lyrics, its beats, its essence in total. But I'll stop talking about it and let you listen, enjoy.

Anyhow, I much prefer the Nacey remix of it as opposed to the original version, there's something hauntingly beautiful about it and all it makes me want to do is write, which I've promised myself I'd make time for tonight.

And lastly, the lyrics alone both disturb me yet make me feel like I'm right at home. It's certainly not complex and thoughtfully written, but rather it's simple and to the goddamn point. Because sometimes, you just need to cut out the bullshit.

"Bulletproof" by La Roux

Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun don't put me down,
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet,
I won't let you in again, the messages I've tried to send,
my informations' just not going in,
burnin' bridges shore to shore, I'll break away from something more,
I'm not to not to love until it's cheap,
been there, done that, messed around,
I'm having fun don't put me down,
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet,

Chorus:
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof

I won't let you turn around,
and tell me now I'm much too proud,
to walk away from something when it's dead,
do do do your dirty words come out to play when you are heard?,
there's certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick on the watch and life's too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,
I won't let you turn around,
and tell me now I'm much too proud,
All you do is fill me up with doubt,

Chorus:
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof

Bridge

Chorus:
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby, this time baby
This time baby, this time
This time baby, this time baby
This time baby, this time.