Saturday, March 7, 2009

Graduate School

Lately I've been entertaining the idea of going back to school. I know I've only been out of school for 2 months but often I find myself missing it. And that "it" involves writing something meaningful, learning new things and just growing as an individual from the experience. In the last few months I've immersed myself in my work and give or take a moleskine entry or two, I have not been writing. I even struggle to continue blogging simply because sometimes I'm honestly at a loss for words. What to write, what to write about, do people even read this? Should that matter? Every now and then I try to check in with myself, asking if I'm happy and if not, what can I do to change that. So while everything else in my life is falling into place, I feel like my writing has just fallen by the wayside. In school it was a priority to write, it was involuntary, I just had to write. But now that I've graduated the true test is now and I'm failing miserably.

I wanted to start a new blog but even found that impossible, what would I name it, would it be for just poetry? Needless to say, I've scrapped that idea. For now.

Anyhow, I'm itching to get out of Illinois and away from everything that I know. But at the same time so many factors are working against me in terms of moving out of state. Graduate school as a resident is already a handful so to come from out of state is even more expensive, plus the cost of living and all that. I was talking to my mom this morning about her thoughts on getting my MFA in Writing and she was shocked I wanted to go back so soon but was pleased I wanted to further my education. When I transitioned the conversation to moving away for school she was visibly against the blasphemous idea. I'm honestly so torn but I feel like NOW is the time for me to do this, when else in my life am I going to have this chance? I'm heavily dependent on my family, emotionally, intellectually and financially (which, slowly I'm trying to grow apart from) so picking up and moving away to go to school would have to be a well thought out plan.

I must absolutely take into account that I'm someone who acts mostly on impulse. If it feels right, and feels good I'm always game (which I will argue is not always the best decision). Graduate school is another commitment and I don't know for sure yet if I'm ready to take on that responsibility, just because I want to doesn't make it the right choice for me. So for now I've requested information from colleges/universities in Illinois to see my options and to take this one step at a time. I'm not going to lie, the MFA writing program at Columbia College did make my heart skip a beat.

1 comment:

  1. do it. if you have ever had the urge to go away, just do it. i stayed here for college (which is why i ended up at crappy UIC, the only school i applied to here as "backup") bc of a past bf. i couldn't fathom the thought of being away from family, etc etc. ALL 8 of the schools I wanted to go to were in Cali and it was always my dream.

    Then, senior year of college I was pretty sure I wanted to move to Japan to teach. Now, I am VERY dependent on my parents (ok not anymore..) but I knew I definitely needed to branch out and start my own life. Discover myself. fate would have it, Dylan was conceived. haha I am, stuck in Il. Although I am so gald to be by family now that I have a family of my own, I wish I would have had the chance to move away before settling down. It is the only time in your life where you will be able to pick up and leave whenever you want.

    Think about it long and hard! You will miss friends, family, etc...ut you'll make new friends whereever you go, family is a phone/plane ride away, and just's probably NOT forever!