It's a boy!

It's really not. I ran out of work yesterday and headed to Dominick's to pick up a balloon for my best friend. Last week was her 23rd birthday but she decided to celebrate it a week later because there were too many scheduling conflicts. Anyhow, with a firm grip around a Dora The Explorer balloon reading "Feliz Cumpleanos," another balloon caught my attention. This bright blue balloon had a smiley face on one side and then in continuous lines on the other side, it read "It's a boy!" Now of course I had to get the congratulatory baby balloon. It's also part of an inside joke we have.


Previously mentioned balloon tied tightly to a notch in my backseat.


A best friend running late should always bring cupcakes.


She didn't read the balloon, but almost died laughing when I pointed it out.


Jacky and I at Big Bowl.


Those of us that chose to sit on the inside had no way to get out. Francesca thought it might be easier to go under the table. On her way back to the booth, she got stuck underneath the table.


True story:Our waiter had to move tables so she could get out, one of the highlights of my week.


So those of you that know me well know that I am obsessed with green beans. If you share my affinity for the green bean I highly recommend the Sichuan Pepper Green Beans at Big Bowl. Spicy!


What's one surefire way to kill time to make the food come faster? Picture taking, of course!


Francesca. Natasha. Jacalyn.


Herro, do you rike fortune cookie?


Post dinner picture taking. (It doesn't end.)


Clarks love right there.


Lindsey loves bofts. Ha.


I tried to take a cool picture-mirror-reflection shot, but it didn't quite work out.

So after Big Bowl we headed to Soundbar (lame) so that we could get our drink and dance on. I didn't drink because I knew Francesca wanted to and since she drove her car, I was responsible for driving us home. Plus, I don't need the extra calories! After Soundbar, Fran and I were famished and were then coerced into heading to our favorite post-clubbing restaurant by her boyfriend's friends. Her boyfriend, Tony, had to work early in the morning so he didn't join us and his friends took us out to dinner at 4am. Not really dinner though, huh? Chinatown's Three Happiness is the only restaurant that is capable of satiating such hunger pangs. The smaller one on Wentworth, not the big one across from the public parking lot. If you haven't been there I highly suggest you go. NOW!

We ate ourselves into a food coma. This is everything we couldn't eat! Crazy, I know.

I think that's all I have for now. We got home at 5am and slept for barely two hours until our alarms went off simultaneously at 7:45 am. I had to be at work at a quarter to nine this morning and guess who sat in traffic, therefore resulting in showing up late to work. My brain is fried, my body aches from dancing in four inch heels, and I'm starving! I haven't eaten since our Chinatown binging session in the wee hours of the morning. Hopefully I can try to resolve one of those ailments. Until then...

Photography and Paramnesiac Lover

I really wish I had time to pursue my interest in photography--to take classes, take photos, etc. I have mirrors on the wall my bed is up against and I love looking at them. Not necessarily "at them" like I'm looking at myself, but at them because I admire their circular shape for reasons unbeknownst to me. As soon as I sit up in the morning, I see my reflection in these mirrors placed across my wall. I love mirrors and the way in which you take a photo, the flash bounces off of them--giving you a distorted image of yourself through a simple manipulation of light.

And so, I took these pictures. I laugh as my basic HTML skills come surfacing back to me as I post these.








Moreover, as the apparent shortening of daylight only increases, I'm suddenly plagued with lists. Lists of books I want to read, (but probably won't get around to until after graduation) which include Federico Fellini's Book of Dreams, Aldous Huxley's The Doors of Perception, and Wyndham Lewis' reprinted editions of Blast I and II, to name my top three, or rather, four.

There is also the list of things I should do, those of which include editing my cover letter and resume, filing my change of address so I can vote again, and lastly--one task that stems solely from procrastination--ordering more contacts online. I only have colored contacts now and I don't enjoy wearing them everyday. I've actually been wearing my purple glasses for quite some time now because I don't want to wear the colored lenses, and I can't find my dark rimmed glasses. The colored lenses are thicker than your usual clear contacts so they're uncomfortable after hours of wear, and also, on a more superficial note, I don't like looking like "that" Asian girl. You know which one, the Asian girl with stick straight locks whose hair color shimmers in the sunlight--a color, mind you, that is not found in nature. That Asian girl with the highlights and bright blue contacts. My colored contacts are gray and look natural--or so I'm told.

I think I should add trying to stay focused in my blogs to my list. Which I'm finding nearly impossible to do, and I apologize. For years I've noticed several eccentricities in my writing--namely that I tend to write in stream of consciousness. And so I can't imagine as a reader what this must be like trying to read my blog, but I cannot censor or edit the way I write, if I do then it is not my own, not my words, not my ideas, not the way my jumbled thoughts roll around in my head and onto this blog.

Back to my rant about lists--there is the list of what I call the I Wish's...(here are a few)

• I wish I didn't buy my tC last January. She's beautiful and I love her but I'm realizing the purchase is hindering my current plans to move out. I'd prefer not to have to pay rent AND a car payment, but it's too late now. The only thing I can do is increase my payments in the hopes of paying it off within the next year.
• I wish I took one more poetry workshop class. At UIC you're only required to take 210, 490 and 490 to declare it as your concentration (490 must be taken twice, preferably by two different instructors). I really feel like there's still so much to learn, especially in contemporary poetry. I also feel like I have new perspective in my own poetry and would love a room full of fellow writers to give me feedback.
  
• I wish simply to have more time. Lately I've been getting a lot of flack for not being able to hang out or spend time with the people in my life. Lunch dates, dinner dates, birthday festivities, you name it...it's not that I don't have the time, it's usually just the day it falls on or the time--that I'm already obligated to be somewhere else. Yesterday I was asked to have lunch downtown and when I explained that I wasn't going to be downtown because I had work to do, I got a text that read: "I've been hearing that a lot lately." I know he didn't mean for it to come off rudely, but I did feel a little guilty. This semester has been a lot of work, the most work, actually--especially since I'm trying to graduate with at least a 3.0. Just give me three months is all I can say.
  

Lastly, I finished a poem today...a new poem! It took about a week for this first draft to get where it is, but I know it's not completely done. It's done for now though which is why I'm posting it, I'll come back to it after I give it room to breathe, give myself room to breathe. Anyhow, I'm a nerd and am absolutely excited. I know what I was trying achieve with this poem, but let me know what you think. Oh and, another aspect about my writing, as well as my poetry is concerned, is that I am downright personal. I believe that good writers write what they know. I enjoy and admire the no-bullshit-type of writing, it's the best there is. Of course, I try but struggle a lot with this.

Paramnesiac Lover

Open windows welcome
Fall through our
filtered screens sectioned.

Eye-liner stained pillow cases
crease--in a spun gown
of sheets I lay.

A few more moments, have I
been here before?

I extend an arm lovingly
to embrace insensate
pillows beside me.

Inhaling to when
your skin against mine boldly splattered
onto my taupe hued mornings.

You kiss me--kissed me, your secrets as
I promised not to tell. Cross my heart
and--

Your thumb pauses, possessive--
over my throat, fingers then
tangling themselves in black strands.

Hours were lost in our jigsaw
mornings. Taut skin sensitized under

thin cotton layers.

800 thread count.

You loved the way my foot
still arched in flats. I loathed the
taste of your cigarettes in my mouth.

Detours. Rain. Relocation. Changes. And a list.

WARNING: This post is a rambling of everything on my mind today. And I mean everything. I get carried away from time to time and lose focus a lot. It is what it is, I need to get some things off my chest. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm sitting at my desk staring out at the unrelenting rain. I don't really mind the rain, I actually find it soothing. I had to take a couple detours to work this morning, my main route which included Rte. 60 was closed because of flooded areas, I decided to take Rte. 21 all the way to Half Day Rd. Since we're located within in a shopping center, the faculty parks in the private lot in the back of studio. To get to this back lot I have to take an off road. Approaching my usual turn off of Half Day Rd, I notice a sheriff with flashing lights, thinking maybe he's just patrolling traffic--making sure the cars are cognizant of the inclement weather and not speeding. Nope, he was definitely trying to let us know that the road was a little flooded. Stupidly, I turn my car onto the side road and feel the resistance in my tires, I drive a stick-shift so everything is more pronounced (to me at least). I actually argue that you have more control of a manual car, especially in the winter--which I love driving in. But ahh, I'm beginning to ramble. Before I know it, a wall of muddy water blankets my windshield and I grip the steering wheel more closely, my right hand down shifting from third to second gear. It's over in seconds but my little tC handled it well. I'd much rather drive in bad weather than in bad traffic, I'm incredibly impatient when it comes to sitting in traffic, perhaps a downfall of having bought a manual car. But with bad weather comes bad traffic, funny though how most people seem to forget how to drive in rain...or any kind of precipitation there is.

I'm at the dance studio, staring blankly at my iMac and for the first time today I'm by myself--no parents, no students, no one waiting. It seems the rain today has caused a lot of problems with students and parents trying to get here for Saturday morning classes. One of our instructors who lives downtown has been sitting in traffic for three hours now. I say now because she just called me with an update: having been forced to exit the Edens (it's flooded) onto Caldwell, she's now been notified that Waukegan Rd. is being closed as well. She shouts at me (not at me, but to me) in frustration on the phone, laughs and then apologizes. I've encountered my own aggravations with the Edens because of ongoing construction this summer, but nothing like this so I can only imagine...

So Saturdays are my long days here at the studio, but I enjoy them for several reasons. First of all, we have the Pre-Ballet and Tap classes this morning. The girls are just adorable. I had to fit ballet slippers on a student today who was complaining about an uncomfortable fit in her previous slippers. I had her stand as I adjusted her slippers and saw the relief in her face as I fumbled with the noodles and straps. She walked around and did some movements to test out the fit and I'm happy to announce that she was much, much more comfortable. Her mom thanked me over and over again for my help, I smiled in appreciation.

In the middle of typing my paper for my Italian Cinema class, (due in 2 weeks, but I like to stay on top of things) one of the girls headed to Jazz stopped by my desk. I greeted her and said hello and she stood there smiling. I asked her if she needed anything, thinking she needed a bottle of water or a band aid--and she shook her head. "Did you just come up here to visit me?" I asked jokingly. And she said, "Yes, I hadn't seen you in a while so I just wanted to say hi." Oh, how sweet.

All throughout the day these random instances happen and I love them. I met with my advisor this week to discuss my plans post-graduation. I told her that I was already job hunting--a task that I'm finding to be exciting and discouraging at the same time. Unfortunately the job market is not looking incredibly promising, but I have hope. My field of editing/proofreading/writing still provides great opportunities but not necessarily in the locations I had in mind. "I know you, Tasha," she began, "and I just want to throw this out there...but your field really is in New York City." She went on to explain that it's just an option and the more and more we discussed it the more and more anxious I grew. I thought to myself how amazing it would be to just pick up and start over somewhere new. Although it's not my first choice, it's currently in position #3. Back to my story, I was talking to my advisor about my resume and my job and told her everything I do at the studio. We got on the subject of non-monetary rewards, not my sole criterion in a position, but an important one nonetheless. I explained to her that I experience a high amount non-monetary rewards at my job now, it really is fulfilling. I can't help but feel accomplished, needed, and looked up to when I leave. With plans to leave here by December, I'm certainly growing nostalgic.

This past month has been rather overwhelming, stimulating and insightful. I'm realizing the value of an education, not just in the academic sense but also just in life's lessons. Recently I've been cutting people out of my life, doing away with the excess baggage, if you will. The relationships I have with the people in my life now are significant and I value that.

What else? Oh, I had difficulty sleeping last night and made a list of things. And I pause before I tell you what it was a list of, fully realizing now that it's going to sound incredibly vain. I made a list of things I just learned about myself, as well as things people have noticed about me. I think it's entertaining when people notice something about you that you didn't realize before and then you catch yourself doing it. I'm always thrown when someone says I've changed or I look different. I think it's because we don't really notice changes in ourselves, or maybe because we don't see the changes in ourselves the way others see them in us.

Anyway, I present to you the list:

1. I don't sleep at the top of the bed. My head doesn't rest where the pillows are, which is at the top of the bed. I tend to sleep lower than that, my head rests just below the bottom of where the pillow ends.
   
2. I fall asleep on my stomach and wake up on my side almost 95% of the time. I can't fall asleep in any other position other than on my stomach. I wake up in the fetal position almost every morning.
   
3. I moan in my sleep. (I'm not sure about this one, but I'm pretty sure I don't.)
4. I play with my hair when I'm reading. Like, non-stop. (I caught myself doing this after someone had mentioned this to me and I was shocked by how much I do play with my hair when I read.) I think it's also because my hair is getting long, I'm a little excited.
   
5. I've taken practically every English class UIC has to offer that I can't remember the last time I read a novel assigned for class. I'm going to say sophomore year. Okay, okay, I read, I'm not a total slacker, but I mean I haven't read an entire novel from open to close for a class in years.
   
6. Even without having read the assigned readings I still partake in thoughtful discussions and write meaningful papers. Ah, the tricks of the trade. I'm certainly grateful for my education, but sometimes after reading a novel three times you just lose interest altogether.
   
7. I don't workout any where near what I used to a year ago today. Last September I started my hardcore diet and exercise routine in preparation for my sisters' upcoming nuptials. As of today, I've lost 39.3 lbs. Crazy, I know. I'm at the point where I've stopped gaining weight no matter what I eat. I'm serious. This could be bad. Instead of working out 6 days a week for three hours, I now work out three days a week for an hour each day. Eh, I guess it could be worse.
8. I blog about every damn thing. But hey! I'm still writing, and that's always a good.