Food For Thought

If you are what you eat, then I am eel wrapped in seaweed, rolled in rice, dressed in black caviar. Yum. Well, that's what I ate for lunch today anyway.

Every Wednesday, I have a lunch date with my friend, Alice.

I sat there, chopsticks in hand, listening to her story idea for a fiction piece she plans to write in the next few weeks. We begin to talk about everything, plans for our Chicago Filipino American Film Festival outing, Spanish class memories instigated by her random sighting of our awesome professor, my recommendation for Cut Copy's first album, Bright Like Neon Love, which by the way I'm starting to love more than their second album, In Ghost Colours. I'm not sure how the conversation turned, but suddenly she mentions that she's a vegetarian. At this point, the chopsticks are put down and I begin to ask her what seems like a thousand questions.

First let me say this, do you ever think you know someone, like truly know someone, and then they reveal something about themselves that you would never have guessed on your own? I love learning new things about my friends, it's so refreshing. Anyhow, when she divulged this, I stared at her in shock and admiration, it was as if she was telling me she volunteers at a soup kitchen. I really look up to individuals who try new things to live to their fullest potential, especially when those choices take an extra amount of effort on their behalf.

Alice has been a vegetarian for seven years, deciding to go sans meat in her sophomore year of high school after watching a PETA video. Don't get me wrong, she's certainly not hardcore pro-PETA, but the video really did affect her. The same shocked look is still plastered on my face as she tells me this. She then goes on to continue to answer all my questions. I've been interested in trying it out for a few months now, I like that it's so detoxifying and it's good for your body, if done properly. She tells me she always feels so light and refreshed, which I would love to feel nowadays.

After completely changing my diet around this time last year, I've become more healthy both physically and mentally, having lost a little over 40lbs now. I do feel however, that it's time I take the next step, like my body needs something more. It's so difficult to try and go vegetarian living at home with parents who are constantly cooking pork, beef and fish. Fish, I love fish. I could write a poem about fish. Going vegetarian would mean no more sushi with fish, crab, or eel. That would definitely be one of the hardest parts I'd have to overcome. There are always avocado and asparagus rolls, but will it be enough?!

So I've decided to start next week on Monday. No meat, fish or poultry. I'd have to really make an effort to include my protein in my diet, thankfully she's given me many tips and ideas. I'm only going to do this for a week to see how I feel afterwards and evaluate if this is something I could benefit from in the long term. I'm so excited to start though!

She mentioned this vegan ice cream hot spot in NYC, that she promises to take me to when I'm ever there, to get "the best ice cream" she's ever had. Oh, I should probably mention that Alice is planning to move to NYC after graduating, she is one of my pro's on my list of why I should go, the writing scene and the music scene are among others. But we'll see what happens when I get to that point, as for now I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for seven days without meat, fish and poultry. Who am I kidding? I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for seven days without sushi that has crab, eel and tuna! One day at time, right?

Thanks so much Alice, you're my favorite rockstar. I hope you know that in the next couple days I'm going to be bugging you day and night about what's okay to eat!

P.S. Oh! And last week, I wrote about the lyrics to "Hands Down," that I saw written on the wall of the women's bathroom in Stevenson Hall. For some strange reason, I ended up in that same stall today and just so happened to have my camera on me.

Facebook's Final Attempts

After an entire morning and mid-afternoon worth of saving pictures from my Facebook account, I am pleased to announce that...

I love that they have an easy reactivation option, what's that about? Now it feels so unofficial. Anyhow, I was personally entertained at Facebook's final attempts at reasoning with me to stay. For every option on the deactivation page, they've come up with counter-arguments about what you could do instead of deleting your account.

First of all, high five to the guy who came up with the first reason, honestly, funniest thing I've laughed at all day. And literally, for every button up there (I clicked on all of them) there is a balloon with an excuse for why you shouldn't delete your account. Points for effort FB, points for effort. It's the end of an era my friends. Life sans Facebook has begun! :)

Goodbye Facebook?

Four years ago, I was a freshman at UIC, back when AsianAvenue was as popular as Myspace and Xanga was what Facebook is now. Admittedly, I was a member of both social networking sites, as well as the now more popular sites Myspace and Facebook.

When Facebook first launched for UIC students in December of 2004, (Facebook was not always open to everyone and used to operate by selecting certain universities to join) I was excited. I knew about Facebook a few weeks before they made it available for UIC students to use, my friend at the University of Iowa told me to keep an eye out for it. And that I did. Back then it was known as TheFacebook, it was simple, clean, and easily navigated.

Myspace suddenly blew up and I invested every free minute into leaving comments on my friend's profiles, updating my "about me" section, and carefully rearranging my Top 8, keep in mind that Top 8 was the only option then. I eventually grew bored of Myspace and I deleted my account in December of 2005. My cell phone (about 10 minutes after the deletion) was flooded with texts and calls about why I deleted my account. Did I really need to explain myself? Contrary to popular belief, Myspace really is "a place for friends." (That is, if you plan to grow dependent on communication with your "friends" via comments on a hot pink background, with blinking text and loud music.)

NOTE: I did open another myspace account later that summer. It's not because I felt like something was missing, it really was just out of boredom. Interesting how the reason that made me delete it made me add it again in the first place. This time, it lasted until September 2008. Because then I had finally come up with reasons that stemmed beyond boredom.

By then all my time went into my Facebook account, uploading pictures with clever album titles, writing on friend's walls, tagging friends in previously mentioned albums, and even befriending professors. I think the initial concept of Facebook can be appreciated, "An online directory that connects people through social networks at colleges." Please take note of the last word in that sentence, colleges. If you do a google search for Facebook, you'll see that line directly below the website URL. If it is focused on connecting people through colleges and universities will someone please explain to me why I constantly have a Joe-Nobody from No-Network trying to add me as friend because "I'm beautiful" and because he "wants to get to know me better?" Know me better? In order to get to know me better one must know me at all in the first place. My Facebook account has been on private for years now, no one can view my account except for my friends and I've limited the information that appears when someone searches for me.

With nearly 400 friends (all people I know "personally"), I can't help but wonder what the point of Facebook is anymore, for me at least. In the last three months of my final semester in college, I'm beginning to learn so much about myself. Yeah, yeah, we all think we want to "find ourselves" in college, it's almost a rite of passage, but I speak not mockingly. The people closest to me have seen a change in me that I can't even really explain to you. I guess it was driven by a means to reduce my life's excesses, irrelevent things (and people) I wasted my time on. I feel as if my life is unfolding before me, not the life I imagined for myself as a little girl, but the life I want to make for myself as a twenty-two year old woman.

Which brings me to my next point, relationships. I think I've gotten used to contacting and interacting with friends online that I've forgotten the value of a good face-to-face discussion with a friend. Honestly, what's more personal than talking to someone face-to-face, seeing them react at a story you'd just told, or hearing them tell theirs as you watch and wait eagerly. I've been seeing my friends more and more in the last few weeks and I have to say that it just feels so rewarding. I don't think there's any way to say this without sounding like a dork, but spending time with people who know and care about you and vice versa is irreplaceable. Once a week I have lunch dates with my friend, Alice. Twice a week, I have coffee with my friend, Jackie. And I totally look forward to these dates because it is nice to know that basic human communication can take place outside of the electronic ether known as the web.

So here it is guys, I'm going to delete my Facebook account come Monday. I'm giving myself the weekend to copy and save all the pictures (from 4 years ago on Facebook) that aren't on my hard drive now.

NOTE: I am by no means putting down the people who are still members of Facebook and Myspace. This is a personal decision that has nothing to do with your own reasons for maintaining your membership with these sites. I still have friends who will never give up Facebook because it is fun but I know that for me it's much more fun spending time with my friends face-to-face, not Facebook.

Pattern Recognition

I woke in the middle of the night to a phone call from a good friend. I forgot to turn off my phone before going to bed, but I'm glad I kept it on. She's going through some harsh realizations concerning the people closest to her, friends she has noticed are not really friends at all. "I'm not going to lose you," she said with conviction, "I need you." And I told her I needed her as well, which got me to thinking about friendships. Lately, it seems like all around me conflicts have been arising--with my friends and their friends and even myself and mine. These conflicts are the result of a continued lack of good judgment, miscommunication and perhaps even the stubbornness of not wanting to break out of a pattern. So at what point do we realize that we're better off without them?

Sitting with my legs tucked in on the floor of my bedroom, I grabbed a pen and my Moleskine. I wrote down my thoughts and confessions to try and create my own aphorisms regarding this issue. I looked up at my bookshelf and reached for Monica De La Torre's collection of poems, "Talk Shows." Its bright orange cover had caught my eye as it sat nestled between other books of black and gray bindings. I flipped open to a random page and read Pattern Recognition. All throughout the poem are single lines among full stanzas. The stanzas reveal (to me) a bitter disconnection of remembered images and the distraction of the lessons learned whereas the single lines insert declarative statements of her own perceived facts regarding relationships of any kind. One of these lines, on the page I had opened to (the poem is three pages long) read:

Some souvenirs pierce the space where daily thoughts fit organized. (45)

I'm not going to share my interpretation of that line but it really stopped me. With ten perfectly placed words De La Torre captures an honest truth that I think apply differently to each person who reads it. Everything about our daily lives is cyclical, from the routine executed in the morning, our jobs, our chores, and even the season's changing marked by dying leaves. Also in the mix of this cycle are the people we keep near, who color and perpetuate the cycle. Do we continue on and again convince ourselves that next time will be different or do we sever the ties that bind and choose a different color?

Miss Collins, can I go to the bathroom?

Yesterday, I had coffee with Miss Collins. No need to be formal, she's still just my close friend, Jackie, from high school. Only now my beloved Jackie is a teacher. That's right, watch out world, she's molding the minds of our youth on a daily basis!

Jackie is one of the most reliable people in my life. And I don't depend on too many people. We've always had an easy friendship, balanced and effortless. We've been friends for roughly seven years now and nothing major has changed between us. Well, things have changed obviously, she has since graduated college and is now teaching third graders. And I can't even begin to explain how proud I am of her.

She sat across from me, balled into an over-sized, purple, velvet couch, venti latte in hand, pouring over her latest classroom news. I sat there, listening but somewhat distracted, in awe. She was talking about the arrangement of her classroom, the study lessons she has planned, and even some third grade gossip if you can believe it, and I watched her. I watched her mouth move and her hands gesture dramatically as she told me about her students. The Jackie I knew from high school had grown into a refined, responsible, and respectable Miss Collins. This is not to say that she was none of these things seven years ago, it's just in an entirely different sense.

I told her what was going on in my life and assured it was not as exciting as hers, even though she'd argue with me about this. Although I do not have a classroom full of kids to inspire, I do have my writing and who knows where that will take me.

But for right now, it's come to this dear reader, I will no longer post any new poetry on my blog. I'm still reworking my old poems and I might post those or maybe even a line or a stanza of my new work, but most likely not any completed and new poems. The reason? I've thought this through for quite some time and didn't really vocalize my intentions until last night to my dear Miss Collins, but I've decided to finally compile my poems and make a chapbook. There are different options as far as getting it published is concerned, but right now I'm just finalizing on a theme, which for the most part, is already selected. Titles, dedications, author bio...OH MY! I'm scared, excited, eager and overwhelmed but I wouldn't have it any other way.

For Laurence

...poetry doesn't have to rhyme. I've been influenced a lot by W.C.W. lately and want to share this with you. A classic, but one of my all-time favorites.

This Is Just To Say by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

You say that you have trouble grasping poetry, but it's not all that different from prose. And poetry is not something that you "grasp." Instead, let it grasp you. Surrender the control and see what happens. That's the vulnerability with poetry, you have to tap into your mind's inner workings to confront memories and realities that you've tried so hard to shut away. I'm not sure if you're at all familiar with Anaïs Nin, but she said, "The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."

P.S. Thank you for that text message, it means a lot to me.

Letter to myself

Dear Natasha, (age 17)

Please remember not to judge people at face value. Looks aren't everything and yours will fade. Know that the unrelenting pain you feel when you think of him will end. It will take three years, but you will stop loving him. He, however, will not stop loving you and he will do everything in his power to remind you of this. Be strong. You will throw away every picture. You will also throw away his basketball shirt, his lacrosse shirt and his football shirt. Find something else to sleep in. Don't makeout with complete strangers, you're not that kind of girl. Stop selling yourself short, give yourself only to those who inspire you. Let people in. Don't be so cynical about life and love. Quit going to bed with your makeup on. Try not to be so impulsive...with your spending, with your choice in men, with your lifestyle in general. It's not healthy. You will be the other woman. Don't let it happen again. You'll give one too many eulogies, prepare yourself for the worst kind of heartache ever imaginable, you'll piece it back together eventually. Family is forever. That is unconditional. They will always love you, when you forget this (and you will), all you need to do is ask because sometimes you just need to hear that someone loves you. Turn your cell phone off at night. When you go to bed, so does your phone. No one important will text you in the middle of the night, and the ones that do only do so because you leave it on. No, you didn't love Eric, but let him down easy. Consider his feelings as if they were your own. You and Justin are incompatible for the long term. It doesn't matter how much your mom liked him or how much he will compromise to make you happy. In college you'll find your soulmate. Her name is Francesca. Smile more, strangers think you look like a bitch. They're right. Slow down, once you get going you tend not to stop. Your body is tired, let it rest. Go to more poetry readings. Save your Kenneth Koch anthology in a safe place. Put your great-grandmother's diamond in your safety deposit box. Damnit, stop procrastinating. Surround yourself with people who truly know you, who want to get to know you, and who accept you for you. Ask questions. Curiosity is knowledge, don't ever forget that. You'll never stop learning, appreciate this. Stop collecting half-filled glasses of water in your bedroom. When it matters most, be sure to say how you really feel. You won't, but still promise to try. You'll stop writing for a little over a year for several reasons. These are not reasons. They are excuses. Know that you will snap out of this and begin writing again. Lastly, wait for someone worthy. Someone who will be the best part of your day. Someone who will make your dreams his dreams and vice versa.

Love,
Natasha (age 22)

It's a boy!

It's really not. I ran out of work yesterday and headed to Dominick's to pick up a balloon for my best friend. Last week was her 23rd birthday but she decided to celebrate it a week later because there were too many scheduling conflicts. Anyhow, with a firm grip around a Dora The Explorer balloon reading "Feliz Cumpleanos," another balloon caught my attention. This bright blue balloon had a smiley face on one side and then in continuous lines on the other side, it read "It's a boy!" Now of course I had to get the congratulatory baby balloon. It's also part of an inside joke we have.


Previously mentioned balloon tied tightly to a notch in my backseat.


A best friend running late should always bring cupcakes.


She didn't read the balloon, but almost died laughing when I pointed it out.


Jacky and I at Big Bowl.


Those of us that chose to sit on the inside had no way to get out. Francesca thought it might be easier to go under the table. On her way back to the booth, she got stuck underneath the table.


True story:Our waiter had to move tables so she could get out, one of the highlights of my week.


So those of you that know me well know that I am obsessed with green beans. If you share my affinity for the green bean I highly recommend the Sichuan Pepper Green Beans at Big Bowl. Spicy!


What's one surefire way to kill time to make the food come faster? Picture taking, of course!


Francesca. Natasha. Jacalyn.


Herro, do you rike fortune cookie?


Post dinner picture taking. (It doesn't end.)


Clarks love right there.


Lindsey loves bofts. Ha.


I tried to take a cool picture-mirror-reflection shot, but it didn't quite work out.

So after Big Bowl we headed to Soundbar (lame) so that we could get our drink and dance on. I didn't drink because I knew Francesca wanted to and since she drove her car, I was responsible for driving us home. Plus, I don't need the extra calories! After Soundbar, Fran and I were famished and were then coerced into heading to our favorite post-clubbing restaurant by her boyfriend's friends. Her boyfriend, Tony, had to work early in the morning so he didn't join us and his friends took us out to dinner at 4am. Not really dinner though, huh? Chinatown's Three Happiness is the only restaurant that is capable of satiating such hunger pangs. The smaller one on Wentworth, not the big one across from the public parking lot. If you haven't been there I highly suggest you go. NOW!

We ate ourselves into a food coma. This is everything we couldn't eat! Crazy, I know.

I think that's all I have for now. We got home at 5am and slept for barely two hours until our alarms went off simultaneously at 7:45 am. I had to be at work at a quarter to nine this morning and guess who sat in traffic, therefore resulting in showing up late to work. My brain is fried, my body aches from dancing in four inch heels, and I'm starving! I haven't eaten since our Chinatown binging session in the wee hours of the morning. Hopefully I can try to resolve one of those ailments. Until then...